Court 52 is where it's at.

Yesterday I had the pleasure of sitting in Court 52, at the Richmond Court on Dublin’s Northside. I was there to testify against my mugger who thought that pleading not guilty wasn’t a waste of mine, and the court’s time. I really appreciated that.

Let me tell you, the crème of the Irish crop can be found at that courthouse, and if you want some new friends, all you have to do is show up every day. They all knew it each other – they are always there. One strapping young man had 75 convictions under his belt and happily admitted so while on the stand, but not before going back into the gallery to give his classy lady friend his precious bag of potato chips from the back pocket of his track suit. Because god forbid his Tayto gets crushed while justice is being served.

What I couldn’t believe was 75 convictions and he was maybe 21 years old. Where does he get the time to commit these crimes? I would think he spends all of his time either in jail or in the courthouse. Also, wouldn’t you maybe rethink your line of work if you have 75 CONVICTIONS? You obviously suck at your job if you have 75 CONVICTIONS. Did I mention there were 75 CONVICTIONS? Did I do it in all caps as well? Did I italicize it too? With 75 CONVICTIONS you should look into new work. There is a new position opening up here, maybe he should go for that? And, what’s more, with 75 CONVICTIONS do you think maybe your biggest worry shouldn’t be the bag of chips in your back pocket?

These people were just the lowest of society I have ever been in the company of and I have very little tolerance for such hatred of law and order and a little bit of human decency. You’d think that if you had ANY respect for yourself and what you’re about to go through, you wouldn’t be in head to toe Nike on your court date. You’d at least put on your best pair of jeans and a Lacoste polo shirt to add a little bit of panache. Maybe a Burberry cap to top it off? Most of them were in what I would consider workout clothes or pajamas but is the daily uniform for Dublin scumbags.

The only person I give any credit to was the upstanding gentleman who was found with a BRICK OF WEED (it comes in bricks?) hidden behind his bed that has a street worth of €2100. He was being accused of dealing. He was in a suit and tie. He only got a €200 fine. If I’m ever on trail for murder, I’m wearing my prom dress.

But my mugger, he decided not to even show up. He pled not guilty and then didn’t even bother to come to court so I could punch him in the junk or watch him cry as he was sentence to three months in jail for trying to rob me, which was added onto the five month sentence he got THE DAY BEFORE for trying to rob someone else. Watch out, Tayto-guy. I think someone is trying to give you a run for your money.

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Liz in Dublin