Identity.

I'm scared of change.

There I said it. And my husband has said it, and my therapist has said it and my friends have said it. I'm pretty sure Mister Man will say it any day now. Change, positive or negative, scares the crap out of me. No amount of deep breathing gets me through it; I stomp through like an angry, over-grown toddler who didn't get a COOKIE! and will now destroy the playroom in vengeance. I like things staying The Same because I know how to handle The Same. There are no surprises and no unmet expectations. Everyone just coasts along happily.

Well, as my friend Lane said to me today, "Staying the same is even scarier, if you think about it, because if you don't change, that's fine but it is pretty much a guarantee that every single thing and person around you will be changing."

She makes a point, non? Mister Man is changing in the obvious, and not so obvious ways; he's growing like a weed and becoming more and more of his own person every day and it shows the way he interacts with people other than me and Bub. He laughs loads, and gives kisses and runs towards dogs, and not away from them like his mama and dad.

Bub is morphing himself into the World's Best Dad with an amount of patience and gentleness I never anticipated. Sure, he misses the late weekend mornings in bed and the energy to stay up late into the night, but at the same time he'd much rather have The Mister get him up at 7am to play than not have the option.

So, with all of this changing happening in my own house, why don't I just embrace it? I love seeing Mister Man and Bub grow into more awesome people than they were before. Don't I want to be awesome too (like a hotdog!)? What is it I want to aspire to be? What is my identity and why am I fighting it? Do I need a check list?

Change check list?
Couch to 5k
Yoga
Positive attitude
Patience
New haircut
Graciousness

Besides the many important (and not so) things I need to change out myself I wanted to change this blog. I want it to be more active, more attractive and, mostly, more of a reflection of me. Less of The Same. The first step is more attractive. I can change options and colors and fonts. But right now, I don't even know what I want those to be, so, in the meantime it's plain and simple blue.

In the time it might take me to figure out how I can be a happier, healthier person in all areas of life, I hope to be able to create an identity for myself here in this small internet space that is suppose to be the contents of my brain, and, more importantly, in my life. Embrace the change. Shun The Same.

I think I have a new motto.

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Liz in Dublin