Is it a miracle I still have friends?
I have been asked a lot recently how I have been feeling. I am touched by the concern for my well being because I never ever thought that a.) being pregnant would be difficult, and b.) people would ever care. People have babies every single day and ever though they call it a “miracle”, it’s not so miraculous when you know there is one being brought into the world every 7 seconds.
And then you start carrying one around and your all, hey, this sort of sucks but at least people are really nice to me now. It’s like people think I have an awkward disability. You can be the biggest dick in the world but if you have no legs, no one is going to tell you to your face that you deserve it. I notice the same now – even when I can hear the cranky in my voice, people are still patient and kind whereas before they would have at least said to my face that they feel like sticking a wet finger in my ear.
Luckily, I have gotten a lot better in the last few weeks. The second trimester is finally bestowing its gifts on me, like it’s a way of saying, “Good job on not smothering yourself with a pillow during those first 14 weeks.” I can pass by a garbage can, or sit near Bub without feeling like I want to throw up from the smell. (Note: Bub does not smell badly, he just smelled like his deodorant which my sensitive stomach did not enjoy. He smells of roses. And bourbon, old spice and other things that make men manly.) I can be up past 8pm. I don’t feel the need to gag all the time. I am becoming a regular person again and that feel so amazing it doesn’t matter that at I fell asleep in the bathroom for 25 minutes because I am so unbelievably exhausted. From what I hear, this side affect will pass soon, as well.
Mostly, though, I’m affected when I think about the baby. I feel happy and scared and overwhelmed all at the same time and I hope this is completely normal. The idea of going out and purchasing all the furniture and necessities overwhelms me. The thought that I might not do this whole “mom” thing very well terrifies me. But, most of all, the idea that at the end of this barf inducing rollercoaster we get something that no one in the entire world has and it’s all ours makes me so deliriously happy that I’m positive this is all too good to be true.