Mom's first steps.
I don’t think I have ever planned for something so much in my life, apart from the day I got married but that’s only because my mother insisted that our guests would not enjoy sitting on the floor and eating finger foods so a wedding was planned with the help of about, oh, a billion people. This time, we are in it alone. It’s not like people haven’t offered their support and love, but I think when it’s your first baby you have no idea what you are stepping into and it doesn’t matter how much helpful advice you get, it’s only when you go and find out all the information yourself that it sinks in. And once you realize that you don’t know a damn thing about babies or taking care of them, it feels like someone hit you in the head with a brick and while you were down, stepped on your gut. It’s the feeling of knowing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Take this exchange:
Me: Hey, if the baby is sleeping through the night as a newborn, should you wake it to feed it?
Bub: Well, I think they have to eat every four hours.
Me: Yeah, but shouldn’t you just let them sleep so you can sleep?
Bub: Liz, please feed our child.
Me: I just don’t see why he should have to be awake if he’s sleeping through. Won’t that make him cranky?
Bub: You’re making me cranky.
And I have to be honest, I still don’t know the correct answer to that question but I’m pretty sure it’s NO NEWBORN SLEEPS THROUGH THE NIGHT, YOU MORON.
However, we have been looking for the answers to all of our questions. Recently, we received a demonstration on a Bugaboo stroller to make sure it’s really what we want, Bub has researched car seats extensively and we’re pretty settled on the one we will purchase, we have looked into care not only for when I go back to work, but also when James is older, as well as the endless discussions on whether or not he will be attending a religiously affiliated school when the time comes.
But today I called a crèche. I called them and asked if they had spaces open for January 2010 and when can we come and see it. At six months pregnant I am looking into crèches and I am trying not to feel silly about it. The woman on the phone asked me how old our child is now and I replied, "We only have 108 days until he’s born!" and she wasn’t the least bit surprised that I enquiring this early. I feel proud that I made the effort and that our child will not be left home alone to be looked after by the pots and pans. I believe this is a little things called PROGRESS.