My sweater's drink of choice is vodka.

As a good start to the day, my coffee cup broke and spilled a good amount of coffee on my desk, keyboard, pants and sweater. Luckily, my pants are black and my desk and keyboard are The Man's my employer's, so of course my pretty pink sweater has a stain on it so large that could be the General Secretary of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union circa 1989.

So I ask all of the Irish mum's I happen to work with how to get this blemish off of my sweater and since pregnancy is in the water at my place of employment there are many to choose from. Some suggestions for my coffee troubles:

"Ah, you poor thing. Have a cuppa tea."

"Yaknow, I think you'll need to put some Vanish on that when you get home but there is nothing that can help you here. Maybe hot water? Maybe cold water? Maybe use the hand soup, yeah? No, sparkling water will do it. No, no, you won't be able to use anything here, Vanish will do it."

"Oh, you've got a stain on your jumper! I'm going upstairs, want some tea?"

"Are you always this messy? My kids aren't that messy."

"Oh no! Ah sure, everyone will tell you things are better after a cuppa."

I had a lot of tea, but my sweater still looks like crap.

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Liz in Dublin