I'm fluffy sugar.

I know I tend to go on about things when they are dramatic and could get me a little extra attention. The really funny thing about me is that I actually don’t like attention once I get it. I feel foolish and ill-equipped to deal with other’s expectations of how I should be. If I get attention while engaging actively with others, I suppose sharing the attention in an Obama and Hil- we love each other, no really… type of fashion, then I’m perfectly comfortable, but when the spotlight is on me I often fluff what I want to say, and get too loud, or too quiet and I make no one laugh, and usually my main goal is to seem entertaining, or at least good natured. Not so lame that you’d only want me to fold your socks. I am usually that lame. So, keep in mind that although I have whined about this enough, I feel weird whining about it again, but I have a legit reason and you can just shut up.

Remember when I was mugged? Or, more accurately, when a dude I refer to as “Crapface” attempted to mug me? And then Superman in the form of a 50-something, Eastern European guy who owns a kabab shop ran after him for about 1000 miles and they caught him after I figured Crapface just got away? And did this with two taxi drivers helping him? And witnesses? And Jesus watching in the balcony seats with a tub of popcorn? Well, Crapface is pleading NOT GUILTY and I have to go to court to scare him into pleading guilty.

I can do a pretty powerful “You were mean to me” face but if Crapface is not persuaded by my ultra-powerful gaze and keeps his not guilty plea, I will have to take the stand and seriously consider learning how to karate chop someone in half so I can go on and engage in some vigilante type justice. That would be unfortunate since I have the biological makeup of cotton candy.

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Liz in Dublin