I'm hell on wheels.
Growing up I never did anything bad. I never played mailbox-baseball or terrorized the dogs down the street. I was a nice kid. I did nice things like cheerleading and become a peer mentor. I didn’t buy drugs from the kid down the street who everyone thought was a perfect boy but who actually was growing pot in his back yard. He might have given it to me for free but that’s neither here nor there.
But now. Now I drive around illegally. I have my provisional license but technically on a provisional license you are not allowed to:
1. drive without a fully licensed driver with you,
2. drive on the motorway,
3. Drive without your L Plates on the car.
I do all three of these things and I do them often. AND I DON’T CARE. You know why? Because I’m hell on wheels and no one can stop me.
Really, it’s because I have been driving for 10 years and I think there is something incredibly unfair about having to get another license by taking the lessons and the tests and whatnot. So, I just drive. And I never get pulled over. You know why? Not because I’m a good driver, but because I have Johnny Backseat Driver with me every where I go who likes to give me updates on my speed, oncoming traffic lights, the positioning of my hands on the wheel and even sometimes reads the signs for me. I’m not complaining. It’s good to know your passengers want to live.
If I get caught I don’t know what happens. No one seems to know because no one ever seems to get caught even though something like half of the country is on a provisional license since the wait times for a test are so long. Maybe jail time? Maybe just a handshake for being so ballsy as a foreigner and for finally integrating myself into Irish culture? I’m not worried though because I think I have a compelling case. The law doesn’t work for me unless I agree with it. Kind of like when my dad would let me drink at 17 because he thinks the drinking age in the US is stupid. Sure, he had a drunk teenager on his hands, and he could have been put in jail for a few years for distributing alcohol to a minor, but hey it’s the principle that counts.