That manly smell.

Monocles are manlier than musk.

Recently we’ve been trying to cut down on the costs a bit; times are hard for everyone but Bono and Oprah and so we are picking out bits and pieces where we can save some money. For instance, we don’t buy Tropicana anymore – it’s, like, €5 for a family sized carton and that’s just a tad too much. For five euro a carton I should be able to plant, raise, harvest an orange tree and then make my own freshly squeezed orange juice. And that Irish fella in the X-Men movie should serve it to me. Topless. So, as I’m sure you deduced by now, I buy the Dunnes store brand and save about three yoyos in the process.

The other day I had a brain wave – we pay a lot for shampoo and body wash. Around €4 a bottle, easily and that’s body wash, conditioner, shampoo for me and shampoo and body wash for Bub. Historically, this worked for us because we used to shower in different bathrooms, but since we moved, we share our en suite. So, that’s a good €20 of shower products. Maybe a little less. During my last shop I bought the super-cheap body wash for myself (oh the sacrifices we make for love…) but decide that the next time Bub needed to stock up on soap, I would just have him use mine and I would buy the super-jumbo bottle to accommodate the two of us. (We’re very clean people, you see.) It’s cheap and unscented; there shouldn’t be a problem.

Except, well, there was. When I came to him with this idea, all ready for my pat on the back for being so thrifty, this is how the conversation went:

Me: Oh, hey, I was thinking, instead of buying you Lynx when I go to Dunnes next, you can just use my super-cheap store brand body wash.

Me: eyeroll It’s unscented, you won’t smell like a girl.
Bub: I don’t like it – I want my own.
Me: Are you serious?
Bub: Yes. I want my own. I don’t want to use yours.
Me: But this will be so much cheaper.
Bub: No, it won’t…

I might as well end that ellipsis with “and let me tell you the billion asinine reasons why it won’t be cheaper and I need my own soap,” but I won’t because I don’t want to be responsible for readers dying of boredom.

In short, the man wants his own soap and while I felt like a real scrooge denying him, it was the principle of the thing and he was going to have to suck it up. It cost only€1.85 for my soap and, unless I could get amazing, testosterone-filled, non-girly smelling, manly soap for less, he was stuck with mine and he was going to like it or do the shopping himself.

And then, of course, when I went to Dunnes on Sunday to pick up a few things, wouldn’t you know it but the stupid testosterone-filled, non-girly smelling, manly soap was on sale. Not only was it on sale but it was on sale for €1.74.

I bought three bottles and now I smell like a testosterone-filled, non-girly, manly body wash day long.

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Liz in Dublin